Bella started school this Fall and it has been tough to adjust to the new schedule and all the requirements placed on her as a Kindergartener. I found myself feeling that my own inadequacies would end up causing my child to fail or miss opportunities. It's always so awkward to me, as I am a bit of an introvert, to be forced into a social situation like school where people expect you to say "Hi!" and be friendly and talkative. That may have affected what happened today.
On the first day of school I drove up to get Bella because I am stupid, and had no idea that driving to pick up my child would be a 45 minute ordeal. Since that day I have driven up to the side of the school, parked on the curb and walked up to the school. I park on the opposite side so I exchange a friendly "Hello!" with the crossing guard every day. It's always the same lady, a sweet, tall elderly lady who probably has a grandkid at the school, or could be a retired teacher for all I know, there's not a lot of time for conversation in the cross walk.
Today, on the way back from getting Bella, we were waiting to cross the street and a little boy came up and started talking to the crossing guard. I have seen her banter with children pretty much every day and she seems to know the older ones pretty well, so I didn't think too much of it when the first words out of his mouth were, "Really?! You start letting cars pass as soon as I get up here?" he sounded pretty jovial in his tone. The words, though rude for a young child to direct at an authority figure, were said with mirth and I assumed he was joking, and she did too, and responded, "Well, that's the way it goes sometimes." But the next words out of his mouth, though still spoken with mirth were not so jovial. "That makes me think you are a useless poop-nugget." She and I looked at the little boy in shock, and she looked at me, and then back at him, and said, "What did you say?" He repeated it, albeit slightly quieter. I was completely stunned into silence and unable to find my voice as she looked agape from him to me and back, finally she said, "Do you want me to talk to Mr. O'Conner?" (he's the principal). Quietly the boy replied, "No." So she said, "Then you better not say things like that to me again." As we started to cross the road again I said to her, "Well I think you are doing a fantastic job." to which she replied, "Thank you!"
I felt completely sick to my stomach about that exchange, and wish I had said something to the little boy, even though he isn't mine, and even though he did seem to be joking. I don't know what made me clam up when normally I would put on my teacher voice (I'm not a teacher but I have a great teacher voice) and scolded him until he apologized. I wish I had at least pointed out that what he said was rude and that he should have respect for her and all adults. I wish I would have asked him how it would make him feel if someone said something like that to his own grandmother. I really feel like I missed out on a teachable moment not only for that little boy, but for my own children and I think that is what bothers me the most. I wish I had spoken up.
All I can assume is that maybe it was a learning experience for me, so that I will have time to contemplate this, and know how to handle those situations in the future. When I really started to break it down, it did seem to me like maybe he thought he was being funny, and when you look at the insult, the worst part of it is the addition of the word "useless", which is actually a very cruel thing to call a person. It made me wonder where he heard that insult, and whether it had initially been directed at him. Had someone called him a useless poop-nugget? If so, who? An older sibling? An adult in jest? I wondered if he found it funny or upsetting when used toward him. I have found, from raising my own children, that kids will call a person a name, laughing uncontrollably, but if that same epithet is hurled at them, they will be upset by it. I don't know whether this is short-sightedness, hypocrisy or outright spite.
I think the crossing guard handled the situation admirably, I just wish I could say the same for myself.
Photo Credit: Ross
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