Sigh. Miley Cyrus.

I don't watch awards shows ordinarily. I do like the Oscars but I can never remember when they're coming up and, let's face it, if you have kids, you don't generally get to sit around for three hours watching anything. However, I saw the furor on Facebook and wanted to see what it was all about, so I looked up Miley Cyrus's VMA repulsive, pedophilia-inspired striptease performance. If you haven't seen it and you are also curious, don't say I didn't warn you.

As a mom of two daughters, I will concede that I have become marginally more conservative than I was as a girl. I had the standard fights with my parents about shorts that were too short, shirts that were too low cut, and song lyrics that were too vulgar. As much as I wish I had, I didn't save myself for marriage and I was once a wild 20 year old who did stupid things that could have potentially made me a target for predators. I can readily admit that having kids has changed my perspective on what is right, good, and just. I have also become more aware of how society impacts my children, and how it impacted me as a child, even when I swore up and down to my parents that it wasn't. So you can take this with the added grain of salt that I am an acknowledged hypocrite. I am now an old, fuddy-duddy mom, standing on my soapbox, wearing my mom jeans and wagging my finger at Ms. Cyrus.

I wish I could compose some kind of heartfelt and inspiring blog that would go viral and convince Ms. Cyrus to change her ways and be a good influence instead of the exhibitionist she has become. Sadly, I am not capable of such prose, and if I were, it wouldn't achieve its goal. Because Ms. Cyrus's performance received precisely the attention she desired of it. Any thinking individual witnessing it could not have assumed that such debauchery was unintentional. I mean, there is absolutely no way on earth that Miley didn't know that if she got up on stage in a nude bikini and continuously rubbed her crotch that people would interpret it as sexual in nature.

And therein lies the problem; our society has degenerated to the point that a person can get up on stage in front of a TV audience of millions, and an internet audience of even more, and imitate nudity and masturbation without consequence, and even be applauded. Vulgarity and shock value has replaced art. Self-worship and narcissism has replaced civility and community. The good folks at Jezebel did what they do best, deflecting blame, insisting the hubub is sexist because it's not directed at Robin Thicke, shaming the slut-shamers, and insisting Miley's blatantly pornographic performance is not as shocking as her appropriation of black culture. This is American life now. Nothing is worthy of criticism, everything is acceptable.

I am not unaware of past examples of revolting exhibitionism, I simply don't agree that they excuse the pushing of new, obscene envelopes. I am also aware that Ms. Cyrus is in the business of selling her image, and that nothing sells better than sex. I still don't believe that excuses her behavior. I realize she is not required to be any kind of good influence, but I nonetheless wish she would choose to be. It's true that Robin Thicke is also culpable in this charade, but that doesn't excuse Miley's complicity in his misogyny.

I guess I'm old fashioned in that I still think certain things (like strip teases) belong behind closed doors. I must be a dried up old prune because I think women (and men) should dress appropriately and not disrobe in public. I'm cool with that label, and any other that gets tossed my way as a result of my principles. In fact, I hope I raise some old-fashioned girls who believe that sex should only be had with their husbands, and who know that they don't have to get naked to have value. I hope they will learn to use their brains and speak with conviction against things they know to be wrong, even if it makes them unpopular. I can only teach them to have respect for themselves, and pray that they will always know their worth.

I am praying the same thing for Ms. Cyrus.

Taking a Nature Walk on an "I'm bored" Summer Day

Picture source: www.mrjacksfarm.com

It has been miserably hot here since about mid June so we have been staying inside with the blinds closed, the curtains drawn and the lights off, cave man style to save energy. We only have one family car, so Eric takes it to work and it leaves us with few options of how to fill our hours. There's only so much coloring a kid can do before she starts speaking whine-ese and repeating the phrase "I'm bored" like a broken record. She loves movies but I hate having her planted in front of the TV for hours on end so yesterday morning, before the whining could start I decided we would go take a nature walk.

Bella's "yuck" face!

Unfortunately, I didn't take pictures of us on the walk, because I was having too much fun! We just walked around the lake in our neighborhood and picked "samples" (aka leaves). I would have Bella run up and grab a leaf sample and we would talk about the tree or bush it came from, she would smell it and see if it smelled good and then we would put them in our "sample box" (the compartment in the stroller handle). After we picked a sample from pretty much every tree, bush and interesting piece of grass out there I walked her to the playground and pushed her and Vivienne on the swings, and even let Vivi go down the baby slide!

When we got home we had a snack of apples and water, and Vivi had this Dole "fruit squish 'ems" thing. I can't say precisely what it is about this thing that is so nasty, but it is just absolutely repellent. Eric bought them because we had a coupon for them, and it's essentially baby food so we thought we could take them with us when we went places and give them to Vivi, but they are gross! It might be that they have the color and texture of grainy applesauce and the odd flavor of blueberries, like, extremely potent blueberries. Whatever the issue, none of us liked it. Vivi and Bella made the funniest faces when trying it, so of course I had to try it myself. Yuck. After that I just gave Vivi an apple slice and let her use her two teeth to chomp on it a bit and gum it all up.

Bella's rubbings! I can't identify all of these - there's Juniper,
Crepe Myrtle, Red Oak, and some kind of evergreen, and I
don't know what that cat-tail looking thing is.

After snack we sat down with some paper and crayons and made leaf rubbings! We talked about each plant sample again and how to make a leaf rubbing. I had intended to press each sample and keep it for a scrap book, but Vivi got grumpy and needed to be nursed and put down for a nap and then afterwords I just forgot about them until this morning and they're all dried out! I suppose I could still press them if I had some clear contact paper or laminating sheets but I don't, and it was fun enough that we could do it again and I will save those instead.

The trick about doing something like this in the Texas heat is to do it well before noon. We left the house at 9:00 AM and got back before 11:00, and we were all still sweaty and tired! Thank God for air conditioning!

Stuff Bella Says

Bella has always been a talkative child. Whatever comes to her mind immediately comes out her mouth. The other day I was sitting at the island in our kitchen and (apparently) my low-waisted jeans were showing what I refer to as my H.A.C. (high ass crack - no seriously, it practically starts up between my shoulder blades). So she comes up and says, "Moooom! Your butt is showing!" I'm kind of sassy so I retort, "Do you like it?" instead of getting all grossed out she bursts into giggles and says "Yes! I love it, I want to hug it!" and then seriously, she hugged my butt. Where did this kid come from? She totally gets my sarcasm and she's still not even four years old.

Sometimes she doesn't even mean to be funny. For her third birthday we had a pool party at the neighborhood pool. Since we were outside we bought small boxes of Nerds™for the party bags (because anything chocolate would have melted in the Central Texas heat). A few days after the party there were still plenty left over and she asked me if she could have some. She had been good that day, so I relented and she followed me, skipping, to the pantry. I'm reaching up to get them when I hear her say "Mmmmm! Turds! I love turds!" I laughed for five solid minutes, and then had a hard time explaining to her what was so funny.

Just this morning she was looking at one of my copies of "Us Weekly" and said, "Mommy, is this magazine about fashions or boobies?". That's a valid question, I think.

When she tooted in front of my friend Kristen, her excuse was that the fart came from her elbow. Kristen advised her to go get that looked at.

Just the other day she was playing Doc McStuffins with my friend Michelle and told her she was sick with "bad-itis".

Bella makes a bubble beard and bubble hat

When I was first pregnant with Vivienne and we didn't know what we were having, we kept telling her she was going to have a baby brother or sister, so one time when my sister Pam was babysitting her she proudly proclaimed, "I got a baby butter sister... in da mama".

When I was working, I had to get her up early and drop her off at my friend Ashley's house who would watch her for us while we were at work, one morning she said to her, "I was sleepy, like a sleepy chicken" but she said it so somberly that it really made me chuckle.

Random Cuteness:

Bella cuddles her Jimmy John's sandwich

I love how she puts an "M" in front of everything. Her friend Alexis is "Malexis" (it sounds like "molasses" when she says it), she also says "Maprade" (Parade), "Magraff" (Giraffe) and "Magrage" (Garage).

She always asks you if you remember things that either didn't happen or you weren't there for.
"Mama, remember when Nanny and me saw peacocks at the zoo?"
"I wasn't there for that, sweet pea."
"Mama, remember when that hippo farted?"
(Laughing) "That was a youtube video, sweetie."
"Mama, remember when I ride on a unicorn on the rainbow and I'm a princess fairy?"
"Uh... no, no I don't remember that at all, honey."

She bookends questions with "why":
"Why I hafta take a nap, why?"

Some gems from my Facebook page:

Bella is well on her way to becoming a full on movie buff. She picked out "Young Frankenstein" to watch, and then ran into the living room about half way through and exclaimed, "Mama! The bookcase squish his face, and he say, 'PUT THE CANDLE...BACK!'" and then she ran around the living room for 5 minutes giggling and screaming "PUT THE CANDLE BACK! PUT THE CANDLE BACK!"

Bella this morning: "Mama, Bampires are mean!"
Me: "Vampires?"
Bella: "Yeah cuz Bampires are mean to princesses, and all peoples are scary to her."

Bella has learned to use her cuteness the same way a super villain might use his powers. She came into the kitchen tonight and the following conversation ensued:
Bella: "What are THOSE?!" (Pointing to some cake pops I've just made)
Me: "Cake Pops"
Bella: (Folds hands together like she's praying and squeals) "OOOH I WUV cake pops! I eat them?"
Me: (I pick her up because she's so cute I just can't resist) "Not tonight, but you can have one tomorrow."
Bella: (She throws her arms around my neck) "Okay. Lets be rain clouds!"
Me: "Rain clouds?"
Bella: "Yeah. Tickle me!" (She jumps down and runs off screaming and giggling.

Bella just ran into the living room as Eric was hanging my new curtains and said, "It smells like dragonflies in here."

I made up a little song with Bella's name to teach her what her full name is, but I think she may be a little confused about her surname, because just now in the tub I found her singing it thusly:
"Isabella Charlotte Abrahamsen!"
"Isabella Charlotte Abra-footies!"
"Isabella Charlotte Abra-booty!"
"Isabella Charlotte Abra-tooties!"
"Isabella Charlotte Abra-scratches!"
"Isabella Charlotte Abra-boo-boo!"

We're watching TV and a diet pill ad comes on, Bella watches for a second and then (parroting a phrase that is repeated often in the ad) yells, "EWW! WOOK! BODY FAT!" I bust out laughing, in response she starts trying to make me laugh by screaming out things like "Body fat in you head! Body fat in you feet!" So I'm laughing uncontrollably now thinking of all these people who need diet pills for their fat heads and feet.

"Bitamins make you all shiny and warm in your froat, mama." - Bella's assessment of the benefits of vitamins.

Last night I wrapped Bella in her unicorn towel after she got out of her bath and in response she said, "I'm a unicorn! Moo!" And I started to say that's not the sound unicorns make when I realized I don't know WHAT sound unicorns make.

This morning Bella came to me holding her "Fur Real Friends" kitty and looking all sullen and pouty she says to me, "Kitty BIT me." I seriously could not stop laughing.

Whatever you have, Bella has the sparkle version of that. According to her, anyway.
Sample conversation:
"What are you doing, mama?"
"I'm doing laundry."
"Oh. I got my sparkle laundry?"
"...Is that a question?"
"No, I TELLING you, I got my sparkle laundry, mama."
"Oh..kay... Sparkle laundry sounds interesting, baby."

And the pièce de résistance:

On the way home from viewing Christmas lights (two years ago) she made up her own version of Silent Night that goes like this:
Silent night
Tryin' to sleep
Under the blanket
Silent night
Dreaming night
Tuesday night
Silent night
In a blanket
And a cake
Silent night
Silent night
Night night
Sleeping
In the stars
Silent...
(long pause)
Silent night
Silent day
Silent sleep
(Unintelligible but emphatic)
(Makes snoring sounds)
And I wake up!
And I not cry!
And it's sad!
And I not cry!
And a wakey
Silent night
Never night
German night
Okay
Silent day
Stylin' lemon (<-- I swear she sang that)
Where Bella sleep

Ke$ha Don't Give Two F*%#$ But I Do.

I see you in the club showin' Ke$ha loveAin't trippin' on them bitches that be hatin'Catch a dub, chuckin' deucesYa'll hating's uselessIt's such a nuisanceYa'll chickens keep your two centsAnd keep your dollars, keep your lootI'm fresher than that GucciThem boys, they want my coochieI say no, I'm no hootchieYour homegirl hatin', I say who she?Ke$ha don't give two fucksI came to start that ruckusAnd ya wanna party with usCause we crazy mothafuckas

Read more: KESHA - CRAZY KIDS LYRICS 
It's clear from these lyrics that Ke$ha don't give two f*cks if I don't like her or her music, and I'm sure some of my friends will write this blog off as slut shaming but the fact is I am raising two daughters in a society that tells us through every medium that they are lust objects solely meant to give pleasure to men. It's one thing for them to be hearing this from men but for women like Ke$ha and Nikki Minaj to be perpetuating this falsehood makes it really hard for me to raise strong, independent women who don't feel like they need to use their physical assets to get ahead in life or to manipulate people in to giving them what they want.  

I was faced with this sexual inundation recently when I went shopping for work out clothes. I got extremely angry after a visit to Dick's Sporting Goods where I couldn't find any shorts that didn't threaten to show my butt or lady parts. I looked across the aisle at the men's running clothes and they all came down to their knees. Now, there was a time when I sported my daisy dukes in the summer, but as a married mother of two, I think Nike should make women's running shorts that don't show my ass cheeks. I just feel like there's something backwards about men being encouraged to be more modest than women, who are more vulnerable to rape and abuse. There are sick fucks men out there who have

actually claimed that a woman in short skirts or short shorts is "asking for it". Asking for it! If wearing short shorts is "asking for it", and sporting goods stores don't sell long running shorts, what are you supposed to do? I left without buying anything, and I run in my husband's basketball shorts, but that was not my preference.
The media, fashion designers and artists like Ke$ha make it very hard to even attempt to be modest and raise modest girls. I might applaud Ke$ha's effort here at asserting that she's "no hootchie" except that I can't stop laughing long enough to say it with a straight face. Pretty much every other hit she's had contains vulgar and graphic lyrics that proudly display her promiscuity. She has also partnered with the band 3OH!3 a couple of times. 3OH!3 represents the misogynistic other half of the Ke$ha lifestyle touting lyrics like "Hush girl, shut your lips, do the Hellen Keller, and talk with your hips,". 
Ke$ha's public persona is pretty much that of a woman who will take any guy who will stands still long enough for her to hop on. The strange duplicity of this (and Ke$ha is certainly not the only one, the worst one or the first one) is that these women try to turn sexism on its ear by asserting that using their genitalia to gain power is fighting fire with fire and somehow empowering to women. I assure you, it's not. It's the same old lie that has been told to women by men since the dawn of time, that they are merely a life support system for a vagina. For a woman to be preemptively using hers the same way a misogynist man would does not empower women at all, it further subjugates them. Ke$ha is a great example of this because at this point it's impossible to take her seriously when she tries (as she does in this song) to assert that she is more than just a polyamorous hedonist. 
This is why I like women like Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez. Sure, Taylor has been connected to more celebrities than IMDB, but she doesn't sing songs about slinging her lady parts around thereby glamorizing a profligate lifestyle to my child. Also, she hasn't made a sex tape! (Taylor if you ever make a sex tape I will cry). I like women who show my daughters that they can grow up to be successful women without having to shake what their mama gave em. I'm waiting for a time when we will realize that there is honor in modesty and women can be attractive without having to flaunt their sex appeal and arouse mens' desire. Until that time, I'm just going to have to keep my girls away from Ke$ha and her ilk.